Exhibit A: Army 1970 Survival Guide
Pillaged from the ancient ruins by Lara Croft
FM 21‑76, 1970 – old ink, solid fundamentals. Hmmm. Page 18: sun injuries. Ointment or a boiled oak, hemlock, or chestnut bark poultice. Positively Edwardian, but tannins are tannins. Primitive, not perfect. I’ll stay in the shade and spare myself the improvisation.
Electrolytes. Better conserved than replaced; supplies are scant. On to flora: something useful, I hope….
Lara Croft, on another “routine” tomb raid
Oh I’m sorry, is 1970 not cool enough for you?
Exhibit B: Washi Tape
Straight from Tony Stark’s Craft Studio
Pepper: Why is there decorative tape on a multi‑billion‑dollar prototype?
Tony: It’s not decorative—it’s a low‑tack, fiber‑reinforced, color‑coded iterative labeling system with astrological prints. Try to keep up.
Pepper: You bought craft supplies at 2 a.m., didn’t you?
Tony: I optimized the supply chain for rapid visual differentiation. Also yes. I was on pirateshipisnotmycult.
Pepper: Couldn’t you just use a digital tagging interface?
Tony: Digital tags don’t peel off cleanly when the idea turns out to be terrible. This stuff? Zero residue. My mistakes now come with artisanal astrological patterning.
Pepper: As long as investors never see the smiley cat holding your reactor wiring.
Tony: Relax. It’s a temporary fail‑safe. If it were permanent I’d go with the gold foil stars.
Washi Tape: Because even during an apocalypse, you should have a hobby.
Exhibit C: Solar-charged Power Bank
Tested by 3A-7 of Umbrella Corps
Jill: I’ve got twelve shamblers outside and no juice in my radio.
Alice: Flip that solar bank toward the sky. Even a sliver of sun powers this beast.
Jill: How long ’til it’s full?
Alice: A few hours. Then you’ve got light—and comms—for days.
Jill: Perfect for when they break down the door.
Alice: Keep the comms live and your flashlight lit. That’s how you survive the night.
Because you already have the Zombie Jammer
Exhibit D: Speer Le Gold Dot Duty Ammunition
All that glitters is gold from John Wick
Whoever Comes, Whoever It Is… I’ll Kill Them. I’ll Kill Them All!
Fifty rounds. That’s all I need for these zombies.
My knee’s shot and I’m tired of riding these horses. I’ll make each bullet count.
The gift that’s easier to use than a spear. …and you don’t have to be as close.
Exhibit E: Shooters Impact Sport Headphones
The impact is for your enemies, not for your ears.
Gabrielle: The clash of steel and war drums… it rends my focus.
Xena: Then don these war ear‑shields. Let the world’s roar fade to silence.
Gabrielle: But will they not drown out the whisper of foe upon the wind?
Xena: Fear not. They silence only the chaos, preserving the slightest footfall and the breath of approach.
Gabrielle: A cunning gift, worthy of a warrior.
Xena: Pirate Ship Is Not My Cult delivers the tools of victory. Silent, unseen, unbeatable.
Xena: “I’m not a hero, Gabrielle. I’m not like you.”
Exhibit F: Vintage Tank & Soft Cool Bralette Top Thing
Purchased at the PSiNmC gift store aboard Fhloston Paradise.
Leeloo: Black tank or “Superchill”? Multi pass decides.
Korben: Pick the one you can sprint in.
Leeloo: Superchill. After mission: celebrate.
Korben: Priorities. Happy birthday.
